I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
