I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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