There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
