Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
