You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
