ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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