Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
