1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize