its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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