it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
