I can text with my tongue
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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