I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
