I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
