I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
