i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
