oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
