so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
