Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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