How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
