Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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