I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
