I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
