Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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