do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
