to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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