i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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