Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
