I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So squirting runs in the family.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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