So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
