i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
