the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
