Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
