The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
