You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
