bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
