You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
