I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
