why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
