oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
