How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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