i wish my penis had a tongue
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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