I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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