I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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