you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
