Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
