im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
