alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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