i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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