I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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