Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
