let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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