Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
