Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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