I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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