My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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