You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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