Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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