i already hear my dad disowning me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
