Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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