You made me cry and you don't even care
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
