your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
