so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize