it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
