I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
