My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize