Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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