Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
