Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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