I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
