there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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