i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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