You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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