We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
